My letter to all women who have lost their mother during their childhood

I don’t know you personally and yet I know you. To the core of your being, I dare say. I can see it in your eyes when I look at you. Your strength, captured by your pain. I can feel your pain, I know what it feels like. Please tell me, how old were you when your mother passed away?

Do you have any memories of her? Can you remember the way she looked at you, how she smiled and the stories she used to read to you? Can you remember the way she felt or how she smelt? Or were you too young to remember anything, just like I was? How do you live with a deceased mother? The mother who took your beginning and your origin with her to her grave? I am aware that these are all very distressing questions. These are questions that will not vanish when they are shoved aside. They will rise at the significant moments in your life.

I have lived over half a century without my mum. She died of breast cancer when I was two years old. The anguish of her loss has followed me like a shadow ever since. At times it was very faint and behind me, other times it was inevitable and right in front of me.

I write this book for you. Because I wish you to fill in your own space and to keep your mother with you, even though she is not actually with you anymore. I know your capacities as a woman without a mother. The world will become a little bit better if you put those capacities to use. Not just your own world, but for all people surrounding you.

Will you join me on this journey? Don’t be afraid of whatever you might encounter. Every day, you will take just the step you need to take. Whenever you are ready. Just take all the time you need. Your time…

From my book ‘Heart Mama – a story of belated grief’

To be published in October 2020.

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